Q: I am a new member at Surge Girls, but I love the completely honest questions and answers you give. It’s like there are other girls out there who are my sisters. So many websites are so FAKE when it comes to talking about real Christian girls issues! (And the clothes are HOT!)
I came to the Lord only last year when this AWESOME youth leader led me to him. Now I try to give all things over to my Creator and Redeemer. Since that time, I’ve been dating this guy from that retreat named Josh. Seriously, he is the most awesome, cutest guy ever! And he’s a true Christian who puts God first in all things. We both love shopping and spend a lot of time at the mall. He’s got awesome taste (he even knows what a maxi dress is!). We are very intimate, especially in our prayer life. But now he is starting to say he wants me to have oral sex with him. He says it’s not really sex and just a natural sign of our love, but I’m worried it’s going too far, (even tho he is hot!) Does the Bible say anything about oral sex? If it just shows him I love him and I don’t “get off” on it, isn’t it just the same as kissing?
Confused
A: It is not the same as kissing. I would consider oral sex to be as intimate as real sex between a man a woman. Don’t be fooled by his closeness with God. If he was that close to God, he wouldn’t be trying to talk you into anything. Whether you want to believe it or not that is pure selfishness on his part. He’s not thinking about your feelings. He’s thinking only about his. Anytime you have to rethink something like that to justify it in your mind, that should be a red flag to you. The little voice that you are hearing that’s telling you to think this thru twice is one that you should listen to. If you’re going to get that intimate with someone, you better be absolutely positive beyond any doubts that you are going to be with that person for life. You made the comment that “if it shows him that I love him and I don’t get off on it…….” Oral sex is still a form of sex and is meant to be shared between two people that TRULY love each other. One of the things that can manifest in a relationship is resentment. That happens in a relationship when you “don’t get off on it and you’re doing it for him”. I think that introducing any type of sex into a relationship makes things very complicated. It confuses sexual love with real love - which is where you’re at right now. Right now you still have your innocence. Why give that up for 1 guy. Because once you give that up, it gets easier and easier to give it up and someday when you find yourself in a room full of guys, do you want to be thinking about every one of them that you had sex/oral sex with? Or do you want to be looking at your husband and telling yourself how lucky you are and how much you love him and how glad you are that you waited to be intimate with the one that you are spending the rest of your life with.
Link Here | September 28, 2008,
I completely and totally disagree with the answer above. The person who wrote it is clearly v.selfish. It is extremely important you remain a virgin until after you are married, but I don’t believe other forms of sexual activity are sinful. www.sexinchrist.com is a good guide as to biblically what is and what isn’t acceptable. Us ladies are commanded by God to submit to our husbands in all things whether we like or not. Take your advice from the bible and be wary of anyone elses opinion. www.christiandomesticdiscipline.com has some good information on the origins of feminism it’s damage on the church. A submissive woman in the bible is blessed, wise and holy. You should look to empower your boyfriend as much as possible and respect what he says. Beware though in doing these things he’s likely to fall head over heels in love with you (but that’s no bad thing is it?!).
Comment by lucy Spencer |
Link Here | September 28, 2008,
They key word you have pointed out here is “wife”. “Wives” are commanded to submit to their “husbands”. I don’t see anything about boyfriend. Wives who submit to their husbands are definitely blessed, holy and wise; however taking this concept outside of marriage can and has proven to be disastrous. It is not a matter of a power struggle. Femininity is definitly something that draws a man to a woman. It is not about “holding out” and making him suffer. The Bible tells us to guard our hearts. It is not a novel concept that the more physically involved you are with a man, the more emotionally invested you are with him, and…it is your choice how much of your heart you want wrapped up in him if he is not your husband. It is all a matter of risk. It is even a risk after you are married.
Comment by angeldazie