Guys and girls communicate differently. Have you noticed? While you go from talking about Friday’s test to wondering if your friend Hannah got a haircut, he’s still trying to digest what he had for lunch 20 minutes ago. Good conversation between guys and girls requires lots of practice. But let’s start with this little quiz to evaluate how you’re doing now.
Mark the following sentences using this scale of 1 to 3.
1) Sounds like me
2) That could be me
3) Not even close
_____ When meeting a new guy, I expect him to initiate and carry the conversation.
_____ I tend to interrupt when someone is talking.
_____ I’ve asked a guy, “What are you thinking?” and received a blank stare.
_____ Sarcasm describes my sense of humor.
_____ I tend to quickly jump from one topic to the next.
_____ Listening is hard for me. I love talking!
_____ Making small talk is uncomfortable for me.
_____ After talking with a guy, I discuss the conversation in detail with my girlfriends.
_____ I usually avoid eye contact when talking to people.
_____ When I don’t understand what a guy is saying, I fill in the holes with my assumptions.
_____ Total
Each of these examples can cause barriers when you’re conversing with a guy. If your total score is under 20, check out these talking (and listening!) tips. Then start putting them into action!
1. Ask questions. Everyone likes to talk about himself, so if you ask a direct, open-ended question, conversation will come more easily. Some examples include: “Where did you go for winter break?” “What did you get for Christmas?” or “Who do you think will go to the Super Bowl?” A true gentleman will ask you questions as well and not keep himself as the center of conversation.
2. Don’t interrupt. You can say things such as “Really?” “You’re kidding me” or “Uh-huh” to show you’re listening. But don’t interrupt by turning the focus on yourself. Wait for a break in the conversation or until the guy asks you a question before sharing your own story.
3. Watch your body language. Smiling and looking people in the eye show that you’re an open and friendly person. When you’re in a group of people you don’t know, remember that others in the room are looking for a friend, too. Be the first one to say hello.
4. Take what a guy says at face value. Girls easily over-analyze and can put words in a guy’s mouth that he never said. If you don’t understand something, repeat back what you think he said or ask a question to clarify. Sometimes guys need our help to accurately verbalize their thoughts.
5. Be respectful. It’s fun to joke around, but keep in mind that not everyone has the same sense of humor. Direct your jokes toward things, not people. That way you’ll build trust, and guys will come to you to feel accepted and gain encouragement.