Q: I am a new member at Surge Girls, but I love the completely honest questions and answers  you give. It’s like there are other girls out there who are my sisters. So many websites are so FAKE when it comes to talking about real Christian girls issues! (And the clothes are HOT!)

I came to the Lord only last year when this AWESOME youth leader led me to him. Now I try to give all things over to my Creator and Redeemer. Since that time, I’ve been dating this guy from that retreat named Josh. Seriously, he is the most awesome, cutest guy ever! And he’s a true Christian who puts God first in all things. We both love shopping and spend a lot of time at the mall. He’s got awesome taste (he even knows what a maxi dress is!). We are very intimate, especially in our prayer life. But now he is starting to say he wants me to have oral sex with him. He says it’s not really sex and just a natural sign of our love, but I’m worried it’s going too far,  (even tho he is hot!) Does the Bible say anything about oral sex? If it just shows him I love him and I don’t “get off” on it, isn’t it just the same as kissing?

Confused

A: It is not the same as kissing.  I would consider oral sex to be as intimate as real sex between a man a woman.  Don’t be fooled by his closeness with God.  If he was that close to God, he wouldn’t be trying to talk you into anything. Whether you want to believe it or not that is pure selfishness on his part.  He’s not thinking about your feelings. He’s thinking only about his.  Anytime you have to rethink something like that to justify it in your mind, that should be a red flag to you.  The little voice that you are hearing that’s telling you to think this thru twice is one that you should listen to.  If you’re going to get that intimate with someone,  you better be absolutely positive beyond any doubts that you are going to be with that person for life.  You made the comment that “if it shows him that I love him and I don’t get off on it…….”  Oral sex is still a form of sex and is meant to be shared between two people that TRULY love each other.  One of the things that can manifest in a relationship is  resentment.  That happens in a relationship when you “don’t get off on it and you’re doing it for him”.  I think that introducing any type of sex into a relationship makes things very complicated.  It confuses sexual love with real love - which is where you’re at right now.  Right now you still have your innocence.  Why give that up for 1 guy.  Because once you give that up, it gets easier and easier to give it up and someday when you find yourself in a room full of guys, do you want to be thinking about every one of them that you had sex/oral sex with?  Or do you want to be looking at your husband and telling yourself how lucky you are and how much you love him and how glad you are that you waited to be intimate with the one that you are spending the rest of your life with.

o.k. there is this guy i like alot!!!! He is perfect. My younger brother does wakeboarding, so he has a lot of older buds. This guy is one of them and recently he and i have grown closer. I try to act like i am cool (calm) around him but it is hard because in my stomach it feels like all the butterflies in the world in thier. How can i tell if he likes me  if he does what should i do as the next step?

Sweaty palms, nervous, butterflies, trying to act all calm, cool and collected when you are a rage of emotions in side, just one question…now what?? I know you really want to know if he likes you, and you really want to ask him if he does or tell him that you like him, but if you can help yourself don’t do it. Not to be a broken record but if you can wait, do it. If you are the one to make the first move, the chances of you being the one who always makes the first move is pretty good. It might not sound too bad, but it can get real old after awhile. You don’t want a guy who is with you just because you asked him and made it easy for him. The chances of him respecting you more by you following his lead going into this are a lot better if you are patient. Just let it all fall where it falls. I know it is easier said than done, but try not to manipulate it into what you want because you’ll never know what God had in mind if you take the reins. Just my thoughts. Hope it helps! Let me know how wakeboarding goes!

Okay so I am 16 yrs old. I have a BIG problem, I think that I am falling for one of my best guy friends. However, I don’t like telling people b/c it might ruin the friendship if he finds out, but I also want to know if he likes me back. I also don’t know what to do in a Christian perspective, if I should just wait and see how it plays out in the will of God or if I should jump on it, but then again I chose not to date but just to kind of court, so would having a guy right now be meaningless since I don’t date? HELP! I really don’t know what to do! Please Help me OUT!

I think if you are honest you know it would be best to wait. I know it is tempting and you want to just find out and confront him about it, but don’t do it. I can tell you from personal experience I have done this many times in my life, and if you are the first one to make all the first “big” moves….you’re always going to be the one initiating things with him and then be left wondering why he isn’t doing much work. If he is the one for you, God won’t let it pass either of you by. It is so hard to be patient, and I wish I would’ve learned this A LOT earlier in my dating experiences. Wait for the guy worth waiting for. Deep down we all want a guy who will fight for us, and we want to feel like we are a prize to them. We want them to pursue us, to call us, to want to be with us, but it is worth it to wait for the guy who is going to treat you that way and make you feel that way, which means it starts at the VERY beginning. You’ll never know if he’s with you because you made it easy for him and he doesn’t have to do much work, or because he really feels and believes you are worth it. I hope this helps.:)